Would like to discuss more on...

The concept that I think I would want to discuss more is the influence of the media. The book had so much to say about it already, but because this is such a growing problem, I think that there should be an even bigger discussion about ways to prevent people from being "narcotized", and to be able to use less of what we see on TV. Understand the dangers of everything be available at the same moment, how we become more impatient as the Nation, and what this will do for the future.

Most interesting concept

The concept that was the most interesting to me throughout the semester was the Cultural differences and cultural adaptation. It was the most interesting to me, because I came from a different country, and I was comparing the concepts, and learning how to deal with some personal issues as well. I shared many concepts with my family, and we were able to learn new adaptation ways, and all together just being more open minded, and learn how to adapt to new ways without judging.

Research Method

I find "survey research" method most interesting for me, and I am not sure why, but it is most appealing out of all methods. It it always interesting to see what answers others will give. I am a big fan of surveys, I complete surveys online, and then I always want to see the outcome facts of the surveys and the percentages and ages of people who took it. I think that it is great that there are surveys available for all age groups, and we can gather many great facts this way. I think that surveys contain most honest facts, especially when they are taken privately and especially by younger generation. It is not easy to give an honest answer if someone was asking the question face-to-face, especially on private matters or personal preferences. If I was the one doing research, I would select the survey research method, and I would create questionnaire and let people take it, preferably online because it is more convenient. I would make some questions with blanks to fill in, and some multiple choice questions, because those are easier and make the survey look more simple.

Ch 11 Concept

There were many concepts that stood out from chapter 11, but selective processing is one that I wanted to mention. This is the concept that is very noticeable in people, and I can tell by looking at my son, if he is using selective attention. When I am telling him something that he wants to hear, he listens carefully, but if I am lecturing him on say, "what not to do" his mind will be elsewhere. Selective reception also can be compared to simple daily conversations, for example if I go on and on about my day to my husband, and later when I notice he is not really listening, I'll ask him "what did I just say?" he will recall the last word he heard, and he will assign a meaning to that, pretending that it was what I talked about:) I use selective exposure a lot, because I believe that I don't have to listen to certain messages, and that is normal. Selective retention is when you only remember a small portion of any message, and this one can be a big problem, especially for students.

Marshall McLuhan

The medium is the massage was something hard to process for me. I tried to Google it, because I had a hard time understanding what McLuhan had in mind when he expressed his thoughts. I agree that the medium decides what message they will eventually give, and I think that he was on the point when he related the TV and the newspaper. I also agree that the medium can make us see only one side of the story if they wanted to. We can always choose what we want to receive no matter which source we are using to receive certain information. 

Cyberspace friendships

I have made a few friends online, and based on our friendships I can honestly say that I feel like my f2f friends are more important to me. I chat with my online friends, but only if I have free time, which I hardly ever do, but with my f2f friends I find time to talk, or meet or even chat. I am that type of a person who cannot really trust a cyber friend with personal information, and I cannot talk with them about personal life much, in comparison to my f2f friends, I tend to trust them much more, because meeting them in reality had build trust between us. I cannot say that cyberspace friendships do not work, because I know that for many people they do work, and some people even end up marrying a person who they met online, but for me it is a little bit more different. I don't know if that has anything to do with me being raised in a family where there was no computer, and I was 25 when I got Facebook account, or if it is because I am more of a f2f friendship type of person.

Concept from Ch 8

After reading the section on interview, I was thinking back to my experience, when I was working as a supervisor, and I interviewed people. I remember how much their appearance mattered, also their attitudes, but for me it was about the cover letter and the resume. I liked a short cover letter that made me want to take a look at the resume, and just like out textbook suggests to have a resume only fit one page. I remember reading some resumes and completely changing my mind on hiring a person or not, because for me it was important to see their education and work experience. There are so many additional reasons why I would hire a person, and yes many times it is based on the way they act, their ability to communicate is most important, because they can learn new tasks, as long as they have great communication ability.

Etiquette rules

I was reading the rules, and I was amazed of the fact that most if not all are broken by people in our society. The one that stands out to me in my personal view is cell phones. It almost scares me how people act as if they could not spend a single minute without their cell phone, and that is why they have them in their hand everywhere. It gets to me the most when I am  in church, and someones cell phone rings, and they don't just turn it off, but they ether walk out or they answer it, thinking that they can just whisper. I think that is very inappropriate, and disrespectful to others. I even heard people's cell phones ring at a recent funeral I went to, that shows that people have no idea about cell phone etiquette. I only mentioned one part of the problem, the issue with people texting while doing pretty much anything is another big issue, that applies mostly to younger generation, but it affects all. If people used the devises properly with respect to others, there would be no issue, but instead people only care for what they need at the minute, and many refuse to learn the etiquette.

Organizations

A perfect example of the effects that an organization can have on the community is our Sierra College. I remember years back there was only emptiness around it, and now when you drive by the college there are many running businesses, and that is terrific, because this allows the students to eat out close by, some take part time jobs and work in some of those businesses. The students are giving back to the community, and there are many great aspects that added to community because of our college. If Sierra college would not have such great success and people would stop attending it, there would be a noticeable difference in the community. Some organizations can also have a negative effect on the community, in some ares where there are many bars, there tends to be more fights, more police action, that makes a community suffer, and people are more likely to start relocating.

Concept from Ch6

This chapter is filled with so many great points and concepts, that it was even hard to choose the best out of so many. I would like to point out "Relational Maintenance Behaviors". This concept stood out for me, because I think that these behaviors can ether make our life great. The more educated people are on behaviors, the more they want to live a happier life, because they start to understand that it is up to them how to behave in this or that situation. The textbook gives us a list of 7 behaviors and explains the benefits of them. They are: positivity, openness, assurance, networks, task sharing, conflict management and advice sharing. I know that every person would prioritize this list differently,  but I am sure that it doesn't matter what order they are in, as long as we understand them. I desire to have a life-long relationship with my husband, and to make the journey more smooth there are things I choose to do, or in other words there are behaviors I choose to have. Assurance would be most important, because even if my marriage is filled with advice sharing and task sharing, if my spouse is not being faithful there is no point for me to include all the other behaviors in my marriage. I would prioritize my list or most important to less important as such: assurance, openness, positivity, advice sharing, and only then the rest of the behaviors. We  have to make sure that we have more positive behaviors in a relationship than bad behaviors, that way we can have much more happiness from a great relationship.

FIlters I use

I agree with Duck's theory, it makes perfect sense. Thinking back to my "selecting the partner" years, I have used certain filters. Cognitive cues was very important, and I have eliminated certain people from potential romantic  relationship based on beliefs.  I knew what I wanted in my life, and so I had specifications that I was looking for. Sociological and pre-interaction cues  were very important too, don't get me wrong, I did care for the person to live in the same at least state where I live, also cared for physical beauty and the way he dressed. I also always liked clean people, if I noticed that a guys hair was not washed, it wold be such a turn off, also liked when guys used perfumes. So I do think that we use filters, to determine whether we can build a relationship with a certain person. When me and my husband met back in the day, in our church we clicked right away, because based on shared beliefs we already clicked, and the fact that he looked attractive physically was a plus, and so when it came to interaction, it just was too perfect for it not to work. Everyone has flaws, but once I was able to see the majority of what I wanted in a guy in him, it was enough for me to live with any other flaws he had.

Difficult Patterns

The pattern that I think would be most difficult to change is "competitive symmetrical" pattern. The reason why I think that it wound be the hardest to change is, because a person that always fights to be the one-up will not give up no matter what. I am speaking from a personal experience, and I happen to be married to a person who tries to be the one-up all the time, even when he is wrong. Almost all of the time in an argument he has to be the one who is right and who takes the control, and it is hard for him to see that someone else can be more right than him. I think that competitive symmetrical and submissive symmetry both can be very damaging, because in one case you can be too controlling, and in the second case there's lack of control, which can make things hard and create arguments in a relationship. The pattern that I think would be most damaging to self-esteem is submissive symmetry, because a person that lacks control and decision making, most of the time lacks self-esteem. Sometimes in life those people are often told that they need a life partner who has competitive symmetrical pattern, and then there would be balance.

Culture and Language Style

I see a big barrier to cross cultural interaction, especially when so many cultures get to live in the same area, which is what we have today. I see it everywhere and it is almost funny sometimes, when people can agree on a same things, but have a completely different understanding about it. My parents will often comment on other cultures and their views, but I see it a little bit differently due to the fact that I have a more open mind to it. Some people judge others on their acts, but behind the acts often there is tradition and family views that those people were raised with. This past week I had a great ability to visit a church gathering of people that were born in the 80's, and the purpose of the gathering was to speak out of the things we wanted to change in church, I was listening and watching carefully to gather facts for my journal writing, and I was amazed on the opinion differences that were based on cultural views. People like me that were raised back in Ukraine had different outlook on church issues, and had a different solutions on the way that they wanted to solve the issues, and the people that were born here in the US could not understand us and even though we all talked about the same problem, we all saw it differently.We came to a conclusion that we had to find a middle ground and agree on it, because it is hard to agree on a solution with so many different opinions.

Premises

I agree with the three basic beliefs(334), rationality premises, which we can see all over us, institutions, jury trials and many others are all the proof that a person is able to discover the truth by using logical analysis. The second premise is perfectibility, in which I believe myself. I do believe that I was born in sin, we all sin, and even a little child who had just learned to speak already lies. My son was only one and half years old, and he would lie to me about certain things already, this proves that it is in the person, because nobody was teaching him those bad things and I do believe that as we continue to live, we can improve by doing good deeds, and putting effort into it, which is not easy to do, and requires much work and self control. The third premise is mutability, which assumes that humans act based on their surroundings. I agree with that as well, we can see it everywhere among people. Hollywood celebrities act one way, and homeless people act based on their surroundings, so as do other groups of people. If we take a homeless person, give them a home surround them with better things, they change their psychological views and they act different. If a teen hangs out with a bad crowd, he or she is most likely to start doing the things that they are doing and adopt to the way they think, even if that person had different views before they joined the company. Mutability premise is what makes us divide into groups, and we tend to find friends that have same views and act like we do.

we are "creatures of our culture"

I completely agree with Ruth Benedict, and the concept that we are the creatures of our culture, there are so many things that we adopt to and it becomes a part of us. I was born and raised in a different country until I was 12 years old, and I can assure you that by the age of 12 I was a creature of Ukraine. I did not notice the cultural differences until I came to USA and started meeting people from different cultures. Many times when we look at other cultures, we can judge them for not doing things the way we do, but that is the time when we get a chance to learn something new and maybe even break through the limits of our cultures, all we need is an open mind. In Ukraine there are many traditional things that imply to getting married, as far as wedding reception, before the wedding specific traditional dinners. There are traditions about the amount of guests that need to be invited, and parents invite their friends to their kid's wedding, and when younger generation of Ukrainians came to America they wanted to break through and adapt to some American cultural traditions,  as you can imagine that was not easy. Older Ukrainian generation came here, and they don't want to change their habits, they feel like the younger Ukrainians are obligated to follow the traditions, and not want to adapt to other cultural views. Many parents have conflicts with their soon to be married kids, because they chose to have a small wedding and decided to invite only their friends, and have Chinese food for their wedding reception. That kind of situation can spark up a big argument before weddings, and that is why many times you can witness a Ukrainian wedding for 500 people, with traditional Ukrainian food. But there are people who are willing to adapt change and have an open mind to other cultural traditions. I always said that Ukrainians are too stubborn to change, and I made up my mind after I had a huge wedding myself, basically because I wanted to keep the peace in the families. Sometimes its hard to break through if it involves other people. But after living in the US for 15 years I can easily say that there are many things that changed, and many young Ukrainian couples do have American style weddings, and even their parents don't mind, so that once again proves that it is possible to change habits.

Week 7 ~ concept from Ch 5

I chose to bring attention to Relational Information. According to Albert Mehrabian, there are three kinds of relational messages: liking, status, and responsiveness. Liking- indicated through facial expression, eye contact, proximity and the like. Status - is often conveyed through posture, gesture, touch, proximity and objects that we display. Responsiveness – the degree to which we are psychologically involved in interaction. These three concepts stood out to me, because I found this to be exactly related to our everyday situations, when we verbally communicate with others. In this section we read that just by paying attention to these three sections of relational information we can get an idea of where the person stands and how the person feels about you. A real life experience would be me trying to start a conversation with one of my friends, and I noticed that she was looking somewhere else, and she answered me in a monotone. Later after that strange conversation I discovered that the person I was talking with did not consider me to be a friend, and therefore did not care to speak to me. So I discovered that her responsiveness pointed out to her not respecting me enough to even respond to me with respect. I am glad I am learning these concepts, because I am starting to use this information in my communication, and I am noticing that this knowledge made it easier to define real friendships.

Week 7 ~ nonverbal displays in different countries

I cannot talk for many cultures, but one I sure can relate to. I came from Ukraine, and there are some significant differences in communication. Nonverbal messages do not differ from the way they are used in America, maybe slight difference between the way people act. A smile is not something that you can see as often as we see it here. Even though people might be just as happy, they don't often show it with their face expressions, and that is why sometimes it is hard to intrepid if a person is happy, mad, or just doesn't care. Some gestures like the "thumbs-up" signify approval, just like here. When people talk in public they stand very close to each other, because it is considered to be inappropriate to speak loudly in public.  Eye contact is something that signifies honesty during a conversation, but it is considered to be rude to just stare at someone for no reason. The other gestures, are similar to American ones, for example a kiss on a cheek, pat on shoulder and a hug is considered to be acceptable norms of communication for close acquaintances.

week 7 ~ Misinterepretation

Nonverbal messages are so easy to be taken as wrong messages, and if a person is not aware of this kind of language it becomes even harder. When me and my husband just got married, we always has arguments, because he said that my body language expressed sadness and almost as if I was depressed. I listened to him, and I thought he was crazy for thinking that, but the more he pointed things out, the more I saw why he would think that I was expressing sadness. I think that I was very unaware of nonverbal messages, and the more I learned certain body expressions, or moves I restrained from doing it. So  what was I doing to make it look like I was depressed? I would sit and stare at a wall, and this would last for even few minutes, and my face had a strong expression that looked like madness. What was I really thinking? I would just think simple thoughts, or planned something, but making that face was my habit, and I did not know how it looked from a side, until my husband once snapped a phone picture of me. It sure opened my eyes, and I saw what others did, and I wanted to change that. I learned to control my expressions, and my body language. I notice others do the same thing I did, and I'll ask them if they are upset at something, and the immediate answer would be "of course not". Sometimes when it's a close person I try to share my experiment with them, and would want to inform them that it is important to study nonverbal messages.

Symbolic Language

Language is symbolic, and there are many symbols that can be interpreted without someone saying a word. Every culture has their symbols, and when I was reading this part in our text, I could not have agreed more. When I came to US, I immediately noticed, the differences between symbols, and colors. Some things are completely different, especially signs. In the country where I was born there was even more symbols, and many symbols mean luck, or trouble. Yellow flowers were often called the funeral flowers, and odd number of flowers were only given at the funeral, even amounts are usually given for birthday and happy events. There are even acts that are associated with symbols, and people do believe that they bring luck, or opposite. There are multiple ways you can say a name, and you would not be wrong. My name for instance can be said in 5-6 ways, and it would mean completely same name. So it is important to understand symbolic speaking, and also it is tight together with linguistic relativity.

Men and women use language differently?

I absolutely agree that men and women use different language, or use the language differently. Both genders can say the same thing, but mean completely different. If a men was to tell us something mean and inconsiderate, we would take it differently than if we were to hear it from a women, and it all has to do with gender expectations. It is important to understand why men do certain things the way they do, and not try to change that, as well as women. There are things we do because we have been brought up to think certain way, and at many times we do things without even putting a thought to it. Both men and women have to study each gender to be able to communicate without stereotyping each others gender. It is important to realize that certain attitudes are almost built in to the person, and it would take a lot to change an attitude or a way someone uses language.

Perceive others without categorizing or judging...

From my own experience I know that it is hard to not make a judgment or categorize, it is almost an automatic process for the brain. After reading in our text about  improvements we can make to become more mindful, I started seeing why I categorize and judge so quickly. There are steps we must take, and prepare ourselves as a listener, so that we would be able to take in the information without judging unfairly. We need to understand all the necessary steps we must take, and we have to take into consideration that we tend to have scrips, and we can make an assumption before we even hear what the person has to say. And as our textbook states "We tend to believe what we want to believe" (pg.52) is right on the point. When we listen, we must set our brain to hear the speaker, instead of thinking our own thoughts, because initially that is when the judging occurs. So getting back to the original question, I would say that it is possible not to judge if our mind is set up correctly, and if we are educated on the subject of listening, otherwise it is almost impossible.

Week 4~ Pick one concept from Chapter 9, not already discussed, that you found useful or interesting and discuss it.

Authoritative and Motivational Arguments is what I found interesting, especially the Authoritative ones. This stood out to me, because it is so well used today in our society. Anyone who has knowledge in specific field has the power to change things just by making a statement. The book gives us an example of a surgeon making a statement about certain medicine being bad, but this can apply to about anything, for example fashion. Many people follow big fashion icons on tweeter, and if that icon made a statement that a certain color or brand is most famous today, many and many followers of fashion would strive to get that. We tend to believe the people without checking for facts, because we consider certain people experts. This can be good, and can be bad depending on what is being said. A well knows fashion icon can be making certain trends popular due to a contract he or she signed with the brand. This is how many diet products get sold, if a beautiful famous person makes a commercial and says that she/he lost weight due to a certain product, it will sell fast. Motivational arguments are a bit different, they are based on emotional needs of the audience and it means to make someone do something for the sake of others. Also very important, and also can be done just to make money. It is important to understand these arguments, because this can help us look deeper into someone’s speech or statements.

Week 4~ Pick one concept from Chapter 9, not already discussed, that you found useful or interesting and discuss it.

Authoritative and Motivational Arguments is what I found interesting, especially the Authoritative ones. This stood out to me, because it is so well used today in our society. Anyone who has knowledge in specific field has the power to change things just by making a statement. The book gives us an example of a surgeon making a statement about certain medicine being bad, but this can apply to about anything, for example fashion. Many people follow big fashion icons on tweeter, and if that icon made a statement that a certain color or brand is most famous today, many and many followers of fashion would strive to get that. We tend to believe the people without checking for facts, because we consider certain people experts. This can be good, and can be bad depending on what is being said. A well knows fashion icon can be making certain trends popular due to a contract he or she signed with the brand. This is how many diet products get sold, if a beautiful famous person makes a commercial and says that she/he lost weight due to a certain product, it will sell fast. Motivational arguments are a bit different, they are based on emotional needs of the audience and it means to make someone do something for the sake of others. Also very important, and also can be done just to make money. It is important to understand these arguments, because this can help us look deeper into someone’s speech or statements.

Week 4~Have you ever been influenced by a speaker? Think of the best speaker you've ever heard. What was it about that speaker that made his or her communication memorable? Think of the worst speaker you've ever heard. What do you remember about his or her message?

My choice for the speaker is Billy Graham. I consider him the best speaker, due to his ability to deliver message. Throughout the history he has given many important speeches, but there is one that stood out the most for me, it was the “Speech to America After 9/11”. His calmness and his wise choice of words was something that the people needed, and his ability to choose the right words for the situation made it so memorable. What made it so memorable was him talking about the US becoming a closer Nation and everyone uniting to help each other. His ability to see the light shine through the darkness heals, and gives peace. In that speech there was many great words that were spoken, that will forever remain in my head.

The worse speaker that I chose is Mayor Kevin Johnson. He is not a bad mayor, but for me he is not a very good speaker because he is always brings too many points all at once. When I listen to him giving a speech I get lost, and he speaks too fast. What I remember from his messages is little, sometimes he says one thing, and then in the next speech he says the opposite. I think that I disliked his speeches when the “Sacramento Kings” arena issues were developing, he was always saying things just to say them, and I always remember that his eye contact is bad in his speeches.